I crave order, but attaining it is like asking a baboon to give birth to a bobcat. It’s daunting, destructive, and disappointing all at the same time. I hate chaos, but it’s my natural system, and it is a system. In fact, there must be expected guests in order for there to be concentrated cleaning […]
The Pinterest 31 Woman
I’m a Pinterest hoarder! I collect pins like a child collects junk at a free garage sale. I love almost everything I see, and so I save it for what? Sometime in the future when I’m suddenly crafty? Or suddenly find myself with “free time?” I just can’t stop pinning stuff whenever I see something that […]
Confessions of a Critique
If you need to know the negatives on a subject give me a call, I’m an expert critical thinker, well criticizer really, yeah, I’m good at that. I can find fault in almost anything or anyone. It’s easy really, I just look at all the things that I wouldn’t do and don’t like and think […]
Thank God for Gravity
Today I heard an ad on the radio for a company I’ll call Protection Plus. In the ad they asked the audience if they would like identity theft security, and if they answered yes then the announcer urged them to call right away. After which he promptly added the disclaimer, “No one can assure you […]
You’re a Bad Dog Wilma Jean
I have a little dog that looks like a poster pup for the humane society. She has long ears that stick up above her thin bristled curls, which can’t seem to agree on what direction to go. Her eyes are so big that I’m not sure her eyelids haven’t given up trying cover them. Let’s […]
Dear friend who I’ve offended
This is about to get blunt and uncomfortable. Which coincidentally was the name of my girl band in high school. Here goes: When I ask you if I’ve done anything to offend you, and you are afraid to tell me “yes,” you are just being unhelpful. I mean, I know you are trying to be sweet and unconfrontational, […]
Confessions of an Interrupter
Hi, my name is Hayley and I’m an interrupter. Before you argue with me, let me tell you what I think you are going to say, “No you’re not Hayley, you never interrupt me.” Case in point, I just did. You know why? Because I know what you are going to say before the words […]
Confessions of a hoarder
What is one thing that money can’t buy? Whatever I have held onto for five years, never used, and am struggling to give away, that’s what! I’ll never get it back, never be able to find another one, never have it when I need it, and so […]
An open letter to my messy house
Dear Messy House, I’m not sure if this letter will ever get to you, but I hope that if enough people share the feeling then the cacophony of commiserators will shut you up (or at least drown you out). I see you judging me when I walk in the door, you with your messy floors […]
This is what it sounds like when grass cries
The other day my daughter and I were watching an educational video on how plants communicate. Yay, Science! And the announcer told us that the smell of cut grass is the olfactory equivalent of a scream. *Screech* Say what?! Yes, that sweet scent that reminds us that summer is here, is really the silent cries of […]