Ok, confession time: I’m feeling very lonely.

I’m missing a forever friend, a BFF as they say.

Let me just tell you, you cannot get one of those if you don’t put your name on one by the time you’re out of school. High school preferably, but college is the drop dead date for securing your own BFF. After that they are all taken! And it’s not as easy as getting a man. I was 37 and single, and though single men were few and far between at least I knew I could have my pick of divorceés if I waited long enough. But good luck finding a BFF that’s been dumped. “Friends are friends forever,” or some junk like that. Even if they are separated by a long distance, with Facebook, Instagram, and texting they’re still able to remain locked at the hip.

I know all this because I’ve been on a BFF search for over twelve years now.

Over twelve years in the wilderness of semi-rural suburbia in Tennessee.

Twelve years ago; that’s when I got married and realized I couldn’t have a man for a BFF anymore, so I got started on my gender-correct BFF search decades too late. At first, I was a true believer in finding my forever girlfriend. I can remember going to circle time with my two-year-old and scanning the crowd for my potential soul sister, like that one guy at a church singles group. At least that’s how I felt. I’d smile at her, she’d look down quickly and correct her baby. I’d scoot closer on the floor so our kids could become friends, figuring that might be a back door into the whole thing. But they’d just scoot away from the creepy lady.

I think we need to come up with mandatory BFF rings, face tattoos, or something so a girl knows if a woman is taken or not. It would save me a lot of heartache.

“Do you wanna have a playdate?”

“Who me? Uh, I’m spoken for…” *pointing to her Pandora BFF charm while scanning the room* “STACIE!! LET’S GO GET LUNCH!”

Seriously, how am I supposed to decode this thing during a casual conversation while being far-sighted?!

Seriously, how am I supposed to decode this thing during a casual conversation while being far-sighted?!

In the immortal words of Def Leppard, “Love bites, love bleeds.”

If only I’d have known she was taken, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time smelling her hair and complimenting her shoes.

Ok, I know I’m not really that alone, I have some peeps; I’m now part of a great church where M is a teaching pastor, but I’m the new girl again, so it’s going to take some time. I’ve got my eye on a few of them, but I’m trying to control the inner creep of this long-time “single” Norwegian female.

Pray for me. Pray for them.

So to all my unattached, dumped, or chronically-rejected sisters out there: I feel you.

And I’m available.

13 Responses to “Feeling like a creep looking for a BFF”

  1. Higher Thoughts and Other Things

    Hayley, this so hits the nail on the head! I thought I was one of the only ones who thought this way! An idea for follow up posts (perhaps I should do one!?) How does a BFF-ship start? Do you just jump in? Or is it better to “onion-it” by going layer by layer (that takes forever but is safer emotionally sometimes). Glad to find your blog!!! Amber

    • Hayley

      Amber, I think that’s a great idea! If you want to write something let me know and I’ll be sure to share it! So glad to find a sister creep:) I’ll be sure to stalk you when you move to Indiana!

  2. Carol Roberts

    I’m too old to be your BFF, Hayley, but I could be your “auntie” as they say in the South…a substitute BFF when no one else was available. (Your talk to the ladies at The Fellowship last week was great, by the way. I’d like to talk about starting a writing group.) Carol Roberts (my blog is

    • Hayley

      You are never too old to be my BFF! But I could use an auntie too. I lost my mom in October and she was my BFF, so it’s been hard. Thanks for the complement, would love to talk sometime too!

  3. Dawn Taylor

    So then, how do you cope when “the one” your BFF drops you like a hot potato for…gasp…a guy?! I was content being single because I had, not one, but two BFFs! Now that’s blessed! Suddenly one of our trio has dumped me for a guy. I’m thrilled for her, but seriously had we not had beyond a gazillion talks about not letting a guy come between us? I’m shocked be caused not only is she just gone, but the one person I had talked to by 8 every morning now goes weeks at a time without talking to me.
    Is there even such a thing as a BFF?

    • Hayley

      I’m so sorry to hear that Dawn. That must really hurt! Obviously, I might not be the person to ask about this topic, but I will say that, like everything in our life, God wants to use our loss for our sanctification. I think God gives us BFFs for seasons in our lives, and sometimes he calls us to be the pursued and sometimes he calls us to pursue. Sometimes he needs us free of those distractions and that devotion, and other times he provides it as something sweet that we can lean into. I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and let me just say you are not alone.

  4. Mary Higgins Gomez

    This made me almost cry. One: I wish I had written it first. Two: You expressed so perfectly how I have felt for almost a decade!

    It is important in your youth to get more than one BFF! If you lose that one after 30, nearly impossible to replace. Need backup friends to replace the BFF…think shark teeth. Haha.

    I, as well, made the mistake of many close friends being male which is highly frowned upon once married.

    BTW- I live in Tennessee as well! 🙂

    • Hayley

      That’s so nice to hear Mary! It’s good to know I’m not alone:)

  5. Anna Greer

    Ahhhh I grew up an Army brat, moved away from all my childhood friends when I was 14. I have been in search of a BFF ever since. When I married my ex-husband, I almost had to hire bridesmaids! This was so funny to read!!

    • Hayley

      Oh my goodness, never thought to hire bridesmaids, that’s priceless! We just eloped, that took care of the need to pay strangers:)

      • Anna Greer

        Lol!! Yeah, thank goodness my 2nd wedding was on the beach, just us…no bridesmaids required.

  6. Amanda Roberts

    I read this one after reading about the dog one you just posted, which is adorable! I had a BFF in high school and then she moved away. Then I had a BFF in my old church in VA, then I moved away. That was 14 years ago and although I have made tons of friends since moving to TN I can’t say I have a BFF. I finally came to the same conclusion you did that they were all taken. LOL! I have moments where I wish I had someone that I could call a BFF. I have a few that are on the rise, but none that I connect with like my past BFF’s. I am still connected with them on Facebook and we talk all the time, but it’s just not the same as having one in your area. So I get it! Thank you for being so transparent and saying what we all are thinking. It helps to know we are not the only ones.

    • Hayley

      It’s nice to hear that I’m not alone too Amanda!

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